Its how we choose to do it ... !

So here it is! Its 13 days till Christmas Day blesses our family again! Let me just say ... everyone chooses to celebrate Christmas with their children in their own way. We all have different ideas on how many presents should be given, weather to open one on christmas eve or not, whether to wrap the Santa gift(s) of leave them out for the kids to see, ect.! Everyone has their own ideas and their own opinions ... and thats ok! Tony and I dont get the oppurtunity to spoil our children throughout the year bc most of our money has to go towards the bills, food and pizza on Friday nights ;o). So there is no buying a random pair of shoes for them in between "just for fun". There is no letting them chose a toy at target in between "just for fun" ... those kinds of things just dont happen in our house. So yes, on Christmas, we indulge and we try and get them (5) things of their lists that they really want bc we dont buy them the "in betweens". We cant afford the in betweens like other ppl can so we do like to spoil them this time, this only time, every year ... AND THATS OK!! I dont always like that I have to tell them "no" (almost all the time) they request things throughout the year ... so at Christmas we say YES ... and I LOVE IT! There is no buyers remorse, there is no guilt, there is no "keeping me awake at night" once Christmas day has passed. The joy and the excitement on their faces on Christmas day is absolutely priceless for us! For this one time a year is when we truly spoil them and I wouldnt have it any other way! So lets not pass judgement on how we all choose to get down on Christmas, ok? We have really great kids, who dont expect, who most of the time dont whine when we have to say no .... who make me very proud! N thats all I have to say about that :o)!

Venting ...

Here's the thing. Im feeling lots of things lately on many different levels. I feel I have been very negative lately but I think its because:

A. Im not sure how much I truly love change (whether it be good or bad isnt super relevant to me right now) . We are finally buying our first home!!!! Something we really have been "desperate" to do for the past few years! Everything has finally come together and our "perfect" home seemed to kinda fall in our laps after months of disappointment. Its so very exciting BUT very emotional for me. I have begun to raise my family in this home for the past 5 years so I do feel some attachment to it ... not matter how much I dont love this home ... its still been our home for quiet a while. I truly believe that just because you have a house that doesnt make it a home ... its everything that you do with that house that makes it your home ... we have made this place our home here so its hard for me to pack it up. Also having to switch the kids school is hard for me. Hannah is very comfortable where she is and I hate having to up root her ... she will adjust to the new school I know but it still makes me sad for her. On the other end ... buying a home is such a HUGE financial decision and that makes me nervous too. There are always the "what ifs". Just so much running though my mind about the whole thing.

B. I dont love it when people are selfish. When your brother in law asks for help laying sod in 100 degree whether (which I get nobody really wants to do) so he wont have to be out there until 7:oo at night please dont say "I have to watch the dogs"! Its just really kinda rude (bc im pretty sure dogs can be left alone LOL) ... especially when he 100% of the time helps anybody that needs help ... doing whatever. AND, I really dont like it when I feel that plans are broken with me because I better opportunity came up ... its rude and just makes me a little sad.

C. I dont always feel like I have a super tight group of girlfriends that I can "catch a breather with" when I feel like life is overwhelming me. Im not somebody that has 100 friends ... never have been. I can count my closest friends on one hand and I like it that way. However, two of my closest friends live in other states and it kinda sucks. The others have families of their own or work late hours, ect so its not always possible to get together. I know I know boo hoo such is life but whatev it still sucks! Sometimes I need a good vent session and the opinion of someones opinions I value!

D. Presley my sweet 2 year old is very strong willed and often gives me anxiety. I have four kids so I think I am somewhat on the Know of how to deal with situations that tend to arise. BUT Presley has tantrums that I have never had to deal with. She screams at the top of her lungs, rolls on the floor, throws things, tells me no all day long, hates to share and is extremely vocal about all of it. I dont know how to deal with it. On the rare occasion that I am solo with her she is AWESOME ... but like I said I have 4 kids so the solo time is not often. She now will tell me "im sorry" but it still doesnt prevent her from the behavior. When will this change? I get anxiety when I have to do things in public or even just going to my sisters house bc her and her cousin (who is 17 mo) just argue over EVERTHING! They both want to be the babies ...

E. I get really pissed off when I text certain "friends" and probably 90% of the time they dont text me back ... its rude and I dont really appreciate it. Enough said ... its rude.

F. Three of my kid are starting school in about 27 days!!!!!! I NEVER wanted this day to come as quickly as it has and honestly im not really ready for it. My entire world revolves around these 4 little people. Have you ever heard "Family Man" by Craig Campbell??? That song describes my life (minus being a man). I am a stay at home mom which means I have experienced 100% of their lives with them ... day in and day out for the past 7 years. I am not really sure how to function without them ... or what to do. Some parents are ready for summer to be over and their kids to be back in school ... not me, I seriously inhale this time with them (even sweet Presley who sometimes drives me nuts). Again, this is where my life is changing and I dont do well with change. Brings me to tears. We dont have tons of extra money (we def sacrifice so I can stay home) but I wouldnt trade this small piece of their lives I have had to joy to experience for all the money in the world.

And now after writing all this I can breath again. Thanks for being my friend :o)