Steppin it up!

Im just feeling a bit of stress overload. I hate the way that I have been feeling for almost 2 whole weeks now and if im being completely honest its probably been more like a month. I hate it because it makes me take out my "grown up issues" on my kids ... not fair. Then after im done being a half ass parent I feel nothing but guilt. I mean lets get real for a moment ... its far from their fault that there is never enough money in the bank, that relationships are changing and probably not for the good, that the baby is sleeping and I would like her to stay that way for at least an hour, that my husband and I are desperately ready for a change that seems to be taking forever (or is just simply not meant to be), that I am trying to adjust to my post baby body (again) and there dont seem to be enough hours in the day for me to do anything about it. I have 4 young children all under the age of 6 whom I love dearly and cherish more then anything in this world and they should be treated as so. They dont deserve the constant yelling (at them) that probably annoys them as much as it annoys me! The thing is though, when these terribly annoying issues are running through my mind most of the day (and now interrupting my sleep as well) it is harder to deal with any additional issues that come up during the day. Ill just give you a few examples: my 2 year old's fear of pooping on the toilet so she walks around for over an hour clenching her butt together, when my 3 year old doesnt get his way he says "I hate you" to whoever is sitting closest to him as he is crossing his eyes in anger, that the dog swims in the pool and then has to come inside, that right after I vacuum out my car cheez-it's are smashed into the carpet, that I walk into the bathroom only to find my son wiping poop off his index finger with toilet paper with no intention on washing his hands, that on days like today when I am really looking forward to nap time ... nobody naps, that my dear sweet Ava tells me NO just about every single time I tell her to do something, that as I am nursing the baby Ava is screaming her head off right beside for no apparent reason as Julian is sitting on the couch mocking her only to make her more angry. My list could go on but I will end it there. My point in all this is that lately I just feel like a looser mom. I hate that because of adult crap I take it out on the kids and am not parenting to my full potential. I love what I do and like I said I cherish my children. I just need to make more of an effort to not take my anger with outside situations out on them. I hate saying things that I cant take back and acting in a way that is unacceptable to what I believe a good parent is. From here on out I am going to make an honest effort to be a calmer more focused parent. At the end of the day they are all I have (obviously including my husband here) and if I dont step up to the plate for them who will? It is my job to help mold, shape and teach them and I can honestly say that lately I have been doing a poor job at it. They learn from what they see and from what they hear and since they are with me 24/7 that makes me the most important teacher they know. I never would want them to feel like an annoyance because the truth is it is not them I am annoyed at! Its time to step up my game ...

27 Whoop Whoop!

Ok so here I am one year older! I just turned 27 on Thursday and I am feeling pretty great about it! There is just something that screams "get me out of here" as you climb closer and closer to getting out of your 20's! 30 is sounding goooood ... dont know why but it does! I had one of the best birthdays I have ever had! Tony (my hub) made me feel so super special on my super special day! He did nice things for me just because he knew how much I would enjoy the simple things ... the phone calls through out the day, a yummy bumblebee slurpee, the work out clothes and yoga mat (bc he knows how much I want to get back in my pre baby shape x4!) topped off with a gift card for clothing after he put much effort into searching for the perfect long dress and just couldnt decide! I must admit that I love that he got me work out clothing in XS ... LOL! I love that he thinks I am still that small. I must admit it bummed me out as I was trying to try them on ( he was so excited about them he insisted I try them on ... I didnt want to tell him I was 100% sure they were WAY TO SMALL) since I couldnt pull the shorts past my knees but it surely made my heart smile that he still viewed me as being an XS. He is my love! He makes me smile. He encourages my dreams and when I fall short he gently lifts me up. He just gets me and I think that is what I love most of all. I am excited to see what this year holds and im looking forward to learning what ever it is that I am going to learn! Another year older ... sounds good to me!

The perfect gift.

So today I drove around just about the entire first half of the day in search of a perfect fathers day gift for the most amazing dad in the world! ... Didnt purchase a thing! The thing is I started out with energy through the roof and slowly but surely it started to slip away. I loaded all the kids into the car and started off to pick up my moms discount card to GNC only to find out she wasnt at work. Then I drove to her house ... only to find out she wasnt there either. Finally I said enough is enough and I will just pay full price no biggie so I drove to the loop. After having to yell at my two older kids more then half way over there I thought taking them into GNC was probably a bad choice so I left. I just kept having endless visions of vitamin bottles being knocked over left and right! Then for whatever reason I thought I would take them into Old Navy because they can all use a new suit and Old Navy is have a great sale... bad choice! Taking 4 kids under the age of 6 into Old Navy to try on bathing suits is no easy task Ill have you know! It actually started off ok and by the end of the trip I was sweating. Of course the handicap dressing room was taken so I had squeeze all five of us plus the baby stroller into the tiny changing room. Then as I am trying to help my 5 year old try her suits on my 3 year old is banging his head continuously into the door (thinking its amusing) and my 2 year old is removing all the suits from the hangers and trying hers on over top of her clothes! Time to go! Left there empty handed and I promised my 5 year old we would go back when it was just the two of us then my 2 year old starts crying bc she really wanted a "new soup"! Yikes! I have obviously learned how to manage the 4 kids solo (because that is my job) but something about being crammed in that tiny space just got to me! Needless to say I started out my day with the best of intentions excited to accomplish the task at hand and ended up empty handed! Hopefully tomorrow goes a bit smoother!

"Did you hear?"

See the thing is some people are just simply annoying ... and I guess they just cant help themselves because that is just how they are! The thing is they dont know just how annoying they can be! At some point they need to be told that they dont need to know something about everyone and if they could only focus all that energy on their own lives it would be sooo appreciated by others. If you dont have factual information simply keep it to yourself, honestly even if you do have factual information keep that to yourself too! I am so tired of people gossiping and pretending they know things about the lives of others when the reality is they probably know 2% of the information ... ANNOYING! I dont like a gossip and I surely dont appreciate one! Because you gossip you get thoughts and feelings rolling in people all to eventually have it all blow up in everyones faces! You hurt people because you are bored and need to focus your negative energy somewhere ... Please dont focus it on me! I like good real people. I like friends that I can always count on and in return can always count on me. Nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes ... but at some your countless mistakes get old and Im sorry no longer cuts it. It is what it is and you are who you are but you cant blame anyone else for your fallen relationships but yourself!